


Twelfth Day of Christmas - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

by unjaundiced



Series: Holiday Headaches [12]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, 12 Days of Fic, Awkwardness, First Kiss, Gen, Humor, M/M, Mistletoe, Ninjas Ruin Everything, Oblivious, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:31:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka <i>finally</i> gets a little peace and finds that things are too quiet. There's... There's finally a kiss?! Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelfth Day of Christmas - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

The only sound in the room was the unnaturally loud needle on the clock and the soft sound of breathing.  
  
_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._  
  
Iruka's chin slowly slid from its rest on his palm and he almost brained himself on the kotatsu. He blinked in surprise and reseated himself after casting a furtive glance around. His only witnesses, Shisha-kun and Ukki-san waved at him across the room, taunting him with the fortunes hanging from their branches, but were otherwise silent. They wouldn't be telling any tales.  
  
He sighed. The boys had abandoned his home to go on a brief mission to rescue some pet of some sort from some calamity or another. He hadn't really been listening to the specifics as he'd been trying to fight off Gai who had been clinging to his waist and sobbing in delirious joy as he praised him for his skillful evasion of their beloved Hokage the previous day as well as his “incredibly brilliant, genius, and innovative solution” to dealing with her rampage. It hadn't even been the village in debt, just her.  
  
The dastardly woman had been lying in wait when they'd gone to deliver the money they'd earned from their illicit sale the day before, pouncing on the proffered purse like a greedy bandit, eyes glowing with avarice as she rambled to herself about “being saved from the sharks”. She'd then slapped Team Seven with the mass of D and C-rank missions she'd essentially begged for and sent them off running.  
  
Surprisingly—or not-so surprising considering the speed at which gossip travels in a shinobi village—a rather sizable group of visiting trade and ambassador shinobi had appeared at the guerilla sale with their hefty purses and ended up leaving with wallets significantly lighter—and with the sad news that Konoha's beloved sensei was unable to bear children. They would later go to the shrine for fertility and children and light incense for him before reporting all the happenings to Tsunade. She had been amused. Iruka, less so.  
  
He sighed again, wiggling a foot in bored impatience, shifted his weight and sighed again. He cast a sidelong glance at the papers awaiting grading and looked away again. He sighed.  
  
There were papers missing, papers torn, papers stained, and papers doodled on. Within a few days of visiting, his house had been turned upside down. Kakashi had first dumped their ill-fated, never-to-be-spoken-of-again gingerbread upon a mat of test papers, officially ruining them with oil before Iruka had even noticed. The next few had been alternatively burned and stained as Naruto competed with Sasuke over who could better work the grill. It had been and would always be Sasuke.  
  
He poked at the stack of papers for a moment before sweeping them into the bag at his side. He'd just tell the kids they were stolen by a rogue ninja. They'd love that.  
  
He drummed his fingers on the kotatsu tabletop and groaned, forcing himself to stand. A series of thumps had him pausing to peek under the kotatsu blanket. He rolled his eyes. Kakashi's stash of _Icha Icha_ had gained a friend. Another stack of books cascaded in a slope from where he'd accidentally bumped it. He dropped the blanket, determined to ignore the mess. He'd let Kakashi deal with it.  
  
He danced over the maze of blankets strewn across the living room, not all that inclined to deal with the mess. He peeked down the hallway and sighed again. The once highly-polished floorboards were frosted with streaks left from the dirt they'd tracked in the previous day during their closet escapade. He'd forced Kakashi to clean the mess, but the lazy jounin had kept running away in the middle of it, prompting Iruka to chase after him waving cleaning rags.  
  
He turned towards towards the kitchen, determined not to pay attention to the floor. He'd get Kakashi to re-clean it later. He peeked in the kitchen and sighed again.  
  
The wok-pot they'd gotten at the marriage shrine proudly dominated the kitchen counter next to a neat stack of bowls that were a curiously beautiful amalgamation of his and Kakashi's patterns. He frowned at that. When had so many of the jounin's dishes moved into his kitchen and how did the man manage to find a matching shuriken pattern to his blanket sets?  
  
He padded his way towards the counter and tilted the wok-pot with a finger, smiling to himself. The jounin had been adamant that they keep it, claiming it to be the luckiest thing they'd gotten. Iruka had to admit that the first meal they'd made with it had been _delicious_ —not that he'd admit it to the smug jerk. Kakashi's ego would crowd out everyone in the room if he heard that.  
  
Iruka tapped the dish for a moment then sighed again, unaccountably _bored_. He paced back and forth for a bit, then wandered out of the room, drumming his fingers on the wall as he went.  
  
He went to the genkan and let out a breath. It looked empty, if he would be honest with himself. He'd gotten so used to another pair of boots living there that his own looked lonely sitting there. He tapped his foot for a moment then went to the shoe cupboard, grinning in triumph as he found what he was looking for. He pulled out Kakashi's spare set of boots and set them neatly next to his. There. Now they wouldn't be lonely.  
  
That done, he wandered back towards the living room, pausing to cast a curious glance over the sparkling tiles in the bathroom. They  _still_ hadn't figured out what was causing all the  _glinting_.  
  
He stopped in the middle of the hallway and blinked. He scratched at the back of his head and ruffled his ponytail, tilting his head left, then right. He meandered towards the end of the hall and crouched down, rolling his eyes as he saw the hilt of a katana obscured by the shadow of the hall table. That wasn't his _either_. Whatever.  
  
He turned to go back towards the living room and glanced in the hall mirror as he passed, stopped and stepped back, blinking curiously. Nestled in the curve of his shoulder was a picture he _knew_ shouldn't have been there. He turned, peering into his bedroom. The framed picture of Kakashi's chuunin team sat next to the picture of Team Seven Naruto had given him a while back. He snorted at that. If asked, the jounin would probably say that it was there to keep the other picture company. He'd deal with it later.  
  
Iruka waved a hand towards the picture in dismissal and wandered back the way he'd come, hopping and sliding slightly just for kicks. He swung open the hall closet as he passed, glancing in and double-taking at the huge _Icha Icha_ movie poster hanging there.  
  
“Meh,” he grunted, flicking the door closed. “Later. I'll deal with it later.”  
  
The living room, Iruka found out, was still a boring place to be. He flopped on the ground with a heavy sigh, flailing in a brief spastic moment of sheer boredom in his nest of blankets. Waiting for the school session to restart had never taken so _long_.  
  
He pulled the tiny acupressure Kakashi-doll he'd gotten and shook it slightly, mentally sending questions to the jounin in question. _Do you know how boring things are when you're not around!_ He rolled over with a sigh and stared at the rainbow of paper strips tied to Shisha-kun and Ukki-san's branches. He looked away, then turned back, curiosity piqued. No. He'd  _promised_. They would read their fortunes on the seventh.  
  
Ukki-san, ever the mischievous one, waggled its branches in a tempting manner, sending its streamers dancing. Shisha-kun, not to be left out, wiggled its own branches as well. The little scarecrow gingerbread decoration on its branches jiggled back and forth in a mocking manner. Iruka glared.  
  
“Oh. _That's_ it.”  
  
He found himself guiltily prying apart the sealed edges of the fortunes marked with his name, a small bowl of mochiko paste next to him so he could reseal them. He cast surreptitious glances around him as he worked the sharp end of a senbon along the fragile rice paper, feeling like a criminal. Ukki-san and Shisha-kun stared at him in silent accusation. He could _feel_ their disapproval. He frowned and turned his back on them, refusing to be shamed by a bunch of plants.  
  
He peeked at the lines of characters listing the different predictions for the year, eyes inexplicably drawn to the section reserved for love and relationships. He tried to force himself to look at the other sections to see how his health or even his wealth outlook was, but he couldn't stop himself from peeking at that accursed part of the paper. He grumbled to himself and gave in.  
  
_Love Fortune: Outlook, much improved! Look forward to developments in the near future._  
_House and Home: Open your doors to visitors. You will not be disappointed._  
  
He rolled his eyes. That sounded like the one he'd gotten the year before. He opened another one, tossing it down to join its mate.  
  
_Love Fortune: Outlook, exceptional! Love will be on fire!_  
_House and Home: Expect new inhabitants! Your lonely life will be inundated with light._  
  
He snorted at that one. Did Gai write these things? They were _awful_. Maybe he'd read one more, just for a laugh. Just one.  
  
Half an hour later and Iruka was sliding his senbon along the sealed edge of one of Kakashi's fortunes, his own, a thick stack of papers forming a rainbow next to him. _Why_ were these things so addictive? He really felt like a creeper now.  
  
He opened the first fortune, a delicate pink paper with dark red text. He skimmed the paper, instinctively seeking his new guilty pleasure. Luck. Wealth. Health. Property. Life. Family. Love and relationships—there it was, wedged between the fortunes for friends and enemies. Strange.  
  
_Love Fortune: Outlook, looking good! Expect advancement from an unexpected source. Be ready to accept this new attention!_  
_House and Home: A friend opens his home to you. Be a good guest and bring nice gifts!_  
  
“What!” Iruka whispered harshly to himself. “What a corny thing!”  
  
He couldn't help himself. He tossed it aside and tore open the next fortune, this one sky blue with navy blue words. He skimmed the paper, seeking the now-incredibly familiar characters.  
  
_Love Fortune: Now's the time to make your move! Your attentions will most definitely be reciprocated. Proceed with confidence!_  
_House and Home: Expect a change in residence. Be pro-active and make this new house a home!_  
  
“Seriously! Who's writing these,” Iruka hissed, throwing that one aside and haphazardly tearing open a green one, wincing as it tore almost in half in his haste. “I'll fix it later.”  
  
_Love Fortune: Expect great things! You will be_ —  
  
“Maa, what's this?”  
  
Iruka froze as a _very_ familiar masked face peered over his shoulder. He felt an insidious heat crawling up his neck as the reality of his situation trickled in through the mush his brain had become. Busted!  
  
“Na, Iruka-sensei! We're back!” Naruto burst in with a loud cry, providing the perfect distraction.  
  
Kakashi turned slightly to remind the boy to drop his muddy jacket in the laundry room and Iruka took the opportunity to shove the fortunes in his pocket, plastering the most innocent expression on his face he could manage when the jounin turned a suspicious eye on him.  
  
“Hm? Are you peeking,” Kakashi asked, scooping up the pile of fortunes next to him. He shook them under his nose with a soft tsking sound. “Sensei, I'm ashamed.”  
  
“I didn't _look_ ,” Iruka ground out, the blush crawling up his ears belying his statement.  
  
“Hey! Iruka-sensei,” Naruto called, bounding back in minus his jacket. Iruka had never been so happy for the boy's lack of manners before.  
  
“Naruto! How did your day go,” he called back, resolutely ignoring the jounin crowding his personal space.  
  
“Na, sensei! We found out something cool,” Naruto yelled. Sasuke wandered in and sighed, Sakura following with flushed cheeks and starry eyes.  
  
“Oh, that's right,” Kakashi mumbled. “Show him, Naruto.”  
  
Iruka tilted his head, curiosity squirming in his belly. It must be good to make Sakura giggle like that.  
  
“Jyan!” Naruto held up what looked like leaves and white berries.  
  
“More plants?” Iruka frowned. His home was getting rather green as of late.  
  
“Maa, sensei. These are fun,” Kakashi chided, plucking the plant from Naruto.  
  
Iruka's alarms should have pinged at that, but unfortunately they seemed to have taken a long vacation. Kakashi's eye arched in a way that was far from innocent.  
  
“Fun? In what way?” Iruka tilted his head and reached for the plants, frowning as the jounin yanked the plant back.  
  
“Uh-uh. This is called 'mistletoe',” Kakashi teased. “It's good for making Sakura blush.”  
  
“Hey!” Sakura blurted out, blushing harder.  
  
“Okay... But how is that?” Iruka was _very_ confused.  
  
“Like this!” Kakashi tossed the plant into the air.  
  
All Iruka knew was that Kakashi was suddenly far too close for comfort and that he was frozen in his seat, breath hitched in his chest as the soft brush of masked lips pressed to his cheek. Kakashi backed up, holding his hands in front of him innocently. His smile grew noticeably as Iruka's face turned a bright red. He waved his hands and uttered a playful “Ja!” before disappearing in a cloud of smoke and berries.  
  
Iruka gaped, mouth opening and closing in disbelief. Something landed on his head and he instinctively clapped a hand over it to keep it from falling. His fingers met leaf and berry and he slowly dragged the mistletoe down in front of him, blinking dumbly. Naruto stumbled back and landed on his rear before bursting out in helpless laughter. Sakura's blush looked terminal as she slumped weakly to her knees, unable to meet her former teacher's eyes. Sasuke snorted, muttering under his breath.  
  
“About time.”  
  
Iruka's head snapped to face Sasuke and his mouth snapped shut. Iruka's eyes narrowed and he struggled to stand, tiny Kakashi-doll clenched in his fist. He snarled and Naruto cringed, crawling behind his teammates for protection. Somewhere, Izumo and Kotetsu cowered under a desk, a feeling of imminent doom washing over them for an unknown reason.  
  
"HATAKEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

**Author's Note:**

> These were originally written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge on Livejournal in 2010, starting with the first day of Christmas (December 25). It's basically all crack and I apologise for nothing.
> 
> **Notes**  
>  Fortunes tend to be sealed when you receive them and sometimes people open them at a specific time for luck. There are different categories written on each fortune and will detail your overall fortune for the year. If you get one you don't like, you can donate them back to the shrine or temple and pick a new fortune but fortunes tend to fall along the same lines when you re-pick them. You can wait a month and try again.
> 
>  
> 
> You can also pick fortunes for individual categories if you're not interested in an overall outlook.


End file.
